I must admit…I did not see this coming. After years of battling my love/hate relationship with Mr. Blackberry (and yes-I know some of my colleagues even suspected a domestic violence issue after viewing his cracked frame-but I swear that was between Mr. BB and Mr. Granite Countertop-I was not at fault!), perhaps I should have been more prepared.
After Owen finally banned Mr. BB from sleeping with us, I would sneak downstairs first thing every morning (or yes, at 2:00 am when I was waking up to work anyhow), stomach clenched wondering how many emails had come through since putting him to bed. Each morning I prayed to find him sleeping: no red light flashing because that light most readily indicates TROUBLE overnight. Mr. BB was my date to all girls’ dinners, errands, backyard barbeques…and I didn’t want to be rude and have him feel excluded-so he would always sit right next to me, face up so I could see just when that red light started its twitch. Yes, perhaps Mr. BB and I had some attachment issues (has this been used as an insane defense on Law and Order yet?) but I couldn’t shake the anxiety creep when he wasn’t just a reach or purse grab away.
So today it happened. Out of habit, I am up at the crack of dawn and gallop down the stairs to wake Mr. BB up and no red flashing light. Oh no-is it broken? Opening up the message box, I have not one single email or text since yesterday evening. For a quick minute: relief. OMG-this is amazing-no TROUBLE: no fires to put out, no one that needs my input-everything is in order. And then panic: OMG-no fires to put out? No one needs my input? Everything is order…without me. Wow, a little shaky. I casually turn him over 6x in the next hour and still…no flashing light. Darn, isn’t this exactly what I wanted and seriously-are there tears brimming in the back of my eyes?
“Mommy! Mommy! Me is awake!” I hear through the monitor. Immediately, I feel a bit of relief. Who needs Mr. BB when my new employees have me on immediate speed voice dial. As I make my way to Peanut’s room, I hear my other little guy in his room rustling. I smile and open the door-I just love getting them out of bed when they are still sleepy and just waking up. He sees me and I gasp as he squeals in delight, hanging from his mobile (damn, didn’t BabyCenter just send me an email noting to take that thing down?) while everything from the bed (including pj’s and diaper) have been thrown out on the floor.
“MOMMY! Me now! Me want Cheerios!” screams Peanut from across the hall. Okay, deep breath: still have fires to put out, input is readily needed and it certainly does not appear that anything is in order here: red light be damned -I am back in business.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
And Then There It Is...
Second day of LOA. Instead of a full event overview, I have decided upon a less stringent approach, instead breaking the day into 4 chunks-themed by food! (ie breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack). It is morning snack time and I am feeling pretty energized-we all actually have real clothes on, and I was able to successfully CHECK breakfast off the list (wow, I just love a good task check!). I am thinking my new approach just may be the ticket. Phone rings:
“Umm-how great that you are able to start the tile job early. When exactly would you want to begin? Oh you are in the neighborhood? Oh wonderful! Yes-we will be here.”
$%@*! I am not ready for curve balls yet folks-I mean I just came up with my pinwheel food routine chart and again, I have no idea how re-doing the master and guest bath tile fits into that at all. I thought I had another week to figure that out. Damn, should have completed the risk register! So a quick heated call to Owen (I mean, this must be his fault in some way, right?) and answer the door to 3 men who look like they have enough equipment to move in for the week…which by the way is about how long they let me know they are staying. The jack hammering starts, the babies’ full on freak out mode commences, and I know it is bad news when I am already subtracting the number of hours until I can have a glass of wine.
So 3 hours later, I am driving aimlessly around the city (hmmm…wasn’t there a neighborhood somewhere in Zionsville that I wanted to check out?) while the kids nap in the car. By hour 2 (and 84 strip mall drive bys later) I would give my left toe to be sitting in a Finance meeting. I am overjoyed when I hear BB stirring in the back and announce “SHOPPING TRIP!” Peanut pipes up “Me love shopping!” and I start to perk up…already my teaching is showing impact! I am getting the kids strapped in the cart as Peanut is pulling on my hand and BB’s arm as I push them in. “Seriously-what are you doing sweetie?” “Want us to all hold hands Mommy!” BB giggles and gives her his fingers. “Mommy-give yours now. Team!” And there it is…a moment.
To think that I still hold a grudge against the kid who tripped me on the playground in second grade, it is frankly remarkable the magic amnesia these munchkins can pour out in an instant. After 8.5 tortourous months, daily injections, bed rest and the 10 hardest hours of my life, I see Peanut’s beautiful face and announce that I can’t wait to have 5 more. After zero sleep and BB waking up every other hour (because come on-Mommi can find that paci much more readily than he can!) my heart still melts on time 11 when he says “Momma!” squeezes my neck and rests his head on my shoulder.
So we all 3 hold hands as I push them into Costo, singing Elmo’s World, and I know I would give all my toes to be right here.
“Umm-how great that you are able to start the tile job early. When exactly would you want to begin? Oh you are in the neighborhood? Oh wonderful! Yes-we will be here.”
$%@*! I am not ready for curve balls yet folks-I mean I just came up with my pinwheel food routine chart and again, I have no idea how re-doing the master and guest bath tile fits into that at all. I thought I had another week to figure that out. Damn, should have completed the risk register! So a quick heated call to Owen (I mean, this must be his fault in some way, right?) and answer the door to 3 men who look like they have enough equipment to move in for the week…which by the way is about how long they let me know they are staying. The jack hammering starts, the babies’ full on freak out mode commences, and I know it is bad news when I am already subtracting the number of hours until I can have a glass of wine.
So 3 hours later, I am driving aimlessly around the city (hmmm…wasn’t there a neighborhood somewhere in Zionsville that I wanted to check out?) while the kids nap in the car. By hour 2 (and 84 strip mall drive bys later) I would give my left toe to be sitting in a Finance meeting. I am overjoyed when I hear BB stirring in the back and announce “SHOPPING TRIP!” Peanut pipes up “Me love shopping!” and I start to perk up…already my teaching is showing impact! I am getting the kids strapped in the cart as Peanut is pulling on my hand and BB’s arm as I push them in. “Seriously-what are you doing sweetie?” “Want us to all hold hands Mommy!” BB giggles and gives her his fingers. “Mommy-give yours now. Team!” And there it is…a moment.
To think that I still hold a grudge against the kid who tripped me on the playground in second grade, it is frankly remarkable the magic amnesia these munchkins can pour out in an instant. After 8.5 tortourous months, daily injections, bed rest and the 10 hardest hours of my life, I see Peanut’s beautiful face and announce that I can’t wait to have 5 more. After zero sleep and BB waking up every other hour (because come on-Mommi can find that paci much more readily than he can!) my heart still melts on time 11 when he says “Momma!” squeezes my neck and rests his head on my shoulder.
So we all 3 hold hands as I push them into Costo, singing Elmo’s World, and I know I would give all my toes to be right here.
Friday, October 15, 2010
LOA Project Scope Statement: Part I
Good morning munchkins! I have printed you each a detailed itinerary for our first day together! Check out the formatting-no more boring Arial 10 pt font for me-that is so corporate and this CEO Mommi is really much more Lucida Handwriting instead. Let’s all review to make sure we are all on the same page; not that I necessarily need you to sign off (we aren’t THAT formal) but if you could just nod your heads and we can start the day!
Sounds great Mommi! We are so happy that you are staying home with us!
So first day may have gotten a bit off scope…few timeline setbacks: may have inadvertently missed the time for the double diaper duty and employee negotiations ie Peanut meltdown 1 (“Mommy, I wanted to turn on the light!!!”), Peanut meltdown number 2 (ME PUT MY SOCKS ON!!), BB meltdown 1 after finding him with Shelby’s water dish on his head, subsequent bath, Peanut’s bath after meltdown 3 (“Why does he get to play in the water if me doesn’t??”). This leaves me at 11:00am (still in my pajamas), with Peanut squealing “Elmo isn’t nigh night Mommy. He is up! SHOW SHOW!” With a rebuffed itinerary discussion, zero sign offs, no shower, and exhaustion setting in before noon-I have made the executive decision that this week’s theme is going to be survival-screw the library.
7-7:30am: Wake up and snuggle
7:30-8:00am: Munchkins play while Mommi makes breakfast
8-8:30am: Eat breakfast
9-10am: Visit library and pick our theme for the week!
10-10:30-Healthy snack
10:30-11:30am-Walk to playground
12-12:45pm: Lunchtime
12:45-2:45pm: NAPTIME
3-3:30pm: Snack
3:30-4:30pm: Read library books and discuss theme of week
4:30-5:30pm: Play outside
5:30pm: Greet Daddy with hugs!
Sounds great Mommi! We are so happy that you are staying home with us!
So first day may have gotten a bit off scope…few timeline setbacks: may have inadvertently missed the time for the double diaper duty and employee negotiations ie Peanut meltdown 1 (“Mommy, I wanted to turn on the light!!!”), Peanut meltdown number 2 (ME PUT MY SOCKS ON!!), BB meltdown 1 after finding him with Shelby’s water dish on his head, subsequent bath, Peanut’s bath after meltdown 3 (“Why does he get to play in the water if me doesn’t??”). This leaves me at 11:00am (still in my pajamas), with Peanut squealing “Elmo isn’t nigh night Mommy. He is up! SHOW SHOW!” With a rebuffed itinerary discussion, zero sign offs, no shower, and exhaustion setting in before noon-I have made the executive decision that this week’s theme is going to be survival-screw the library.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Identity Crisis!
Everything has a place and a place has everything!
In the past 25+ years, perhaps there have been 2 days that I can remember not making my bed (and I just may have been hospitalized those two days, just saying). Same goes for picking out the next morning’s clothes (so I of course have also done this for the kids since day 1 which has caused Owen to completely freeze in fear when I suggest he pull out an extra shirt for the diaper bag; he may not be aware, but I know he has no idea where those are kept).
I am sure there is some sort of psychological explanation (or control freak label), but organizing chaos keeps me sane. In my SBS life (ie corporate), during interviews I lean in to hear how people describe their stress coping mechanisms “Long walks! Talking with my husband! Deep breaths! Happy hour! (of course we don’t usually give the job here but I do want to high five the complete honesty!). My legs wish that I managed stress with a long run, but instead I most often turn to a closet that needs re-hauled or a counter that requires a long scrub (okay, most of the time with a glass of Cabernet-high five!) but no qualms that it is the lazy susan that is begging for a re-stacking that is the true motivation...
So it is the weekend before the LOA and I am interviewing my SuperMom friends.:
“Ladies, so trying to prepare…what is the wardrobe for SuperMom career?”
“Are you serious??”
“Yes-like is it more yoga pants, jeans, leggings? Or does it perhaps depend on the day’s activities?”
“OMG Sam, you are such a freak!”
Okay, so not getting a lot of insight here. Next stop is the US Weekly guilty pleasure, The Just Like Us: Moms Section. Hmmm…stilettos at Monkey Joe’s? In my wildest dreams, would I even own a Carolina Herrera frock much less wear it to the playground? Another strike out for guidance.
The only near experience with this is maternity leave…and I don’t think anyone wants to see that one pair of yoga pants being trudged out again. Standing in my closet on the first LOA Sunday night, I feel an overwhelming rush of anxiety and just a few tears brewing in the very back of my eyes. Though I am not sure of much, I am pretty certain that the LOA dress code does not readily involve the 15 suits, 30 pairs of heels, or wrap dresses in every color surrounding me. What to do? I feel a little shaky but I am throwing caution to the wind and climbing into bed without a damn thing laid out.
So three hours later and still not asleep; holy hell-CEO Mommi has just crumbled the process flow map and is a hot mess. Thought this was the right road but terror is itching my skin and I sincerely wonder who is this CEO Mommi without the high heels?
In the past 25+ years, perhaps there have been 2 days that I can remember not making my bed (and I just may have been hospitalized those two days, just saying). Same goes for picking out the next morning’s clothes (so I of course have also done this for the kids since day 1 which has caused Owen to completely freeze in fear when I suggest he pull out an extra shirt for the diaper bag; he may not be aware, but I know he has no idea where those are kept).
I am sure there is some sort of psychological explanation (or control freak label), but organizing chaos keeps me sane. In my SBS life (ie corporate), during interviews I lean in to hear how people describe their stress coping mechanisms “Long walks! Talking with my husband! Deep breaths! Happy hour! (of course we don’t usually give the job here but I do want to high five the complete honesty!). My legs wish that I managed stress with a long run, but instead I most often turn to a closet that needs re-hauled or a counter that requires a long scrub (okay, most of the time with a glass of Cabernet-high five!) but no qualms that it is the lazy susan that is begging for a re-stacking that is the true motivation...
So it is the weekend before the LOA and I am interviewing my SuperMom friends.:
“Ladies, so trying to prepare…what is the wardrobe for SuperMom career?”
“Are you serious??”
“Yes-like is it more yoga pants, jeans, leggings? Or does it perhaps depend on the day’s activities?”
“OMG Sam, you are such a freak!”
Okay, so not getting a lot of insight here. Next stop is the US Weekly guilty pleasure, The Just Like Us: Moms Section. Hmmm…stilettos at Monkey Joe’s? In my wildest dreams, would I even own a Carolina Herrera frock much less wear it to the playground? Another strike out for guidance.
The only near experience with this is maternity leave…and I don’t think anyone wants to see that one pair of yoga pants being trudged out again. Standing in my closet on the first LOA Sunday night, I feel an overwhelming rush of anxiety and just a few tears brewing in the very back of my eyes. Though I am not sure of much, I am pretty certain that the LOA dress code does not readily involve the 15 suits, 30 pairs of heels, or wrap dresses in every color surrounding me. What to do? I feel a little shaky but I am throwing caution to the wind and climbing into bed without a damn thing laid out.
So three hours later and still not asleep; holy hell-CEO Mommi has just crumbled the process flow map and is a hot mess. Thought this was the right road but terror is itching my skin and I sincerely wonder who is this CEO Mommi without the high heels?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)