tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57639914056964559472024-03-13T08:57:31.318-07:00Adventures of CEO MommiType A crazy lady trying to lobby for 30 hours in a single day (and fit into those skinny jeans too!)Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-70757913899762438462011-06-10T19:41:00.000-07:002011-06-10T19:41:21.687-07:00Just Like Riding A Bike....<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4:32 pm “Flight was canceled, won’t get home until late tonight/tomorrow. Love you”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5:06 pm #$% thought Daddy was picking up munchkins @ 2:00 pm after a week away…</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5:07 pm: FREAK this means no Friday night Margarita Book Club</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5:08 pm: Is it appropriate to have a complete melt down at work?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5:09 pm: I have nothing on the menu for kids dinner</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5:10 pm: “Ummm…no problem, I can get that 3 year projected product profit margin by top of next week…”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5:15 pm: Would it be weird if someone found me lying in the fetal position in my cube?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5:16 pm: “Oh, yes…totally will review that project scope change by EOD. So sorry…did I not make it clear that my EOD is 11:59 PT?”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5:25 pm: Take a deep breath Sam…it is Friday, and traffic is bound to cooperate (because who the hell is still in rush hour on a Friday at this time??) You will totally get to day care by 6:00 pm…no $1 for every minute post…ludicrous.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6:01 pm: Sister-try diligently to suppress the guilt because you munchkins are the last to be picked up….</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6:32 pm: MINIMAL guilt as munchkins are watching “a show!” while I try and figure out what I can feed you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6:333 pm: Someone is looking out for Mommi…found a hiding bottle of wine in the top shelf.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My hair hasn’t been washed in 3 days, going on an average of 4 hours of sleep over the past 6 weeks. Is it strange that this is so completely unhealthy or that I can go on autopilot because this feel so natural?</span><br />
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</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-45326387626865927302011-01-02T19:10:00.000-08:002011-01-02T19:10:35.918-08:00TICK TOCK<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Either I missed the 12 foot Christmas bag, or I need to call some sort of medical authority (ie psych ward) because I swear I can hear the slow methodical ticking of a grandfather clock. Or is that actually my heart beginning to pump in pace with impeding anxiety as my LOA is most rapidly coming to an end? When signing my official “temporary leave from paid employment contract”-when exactly did I think it would be stellar to re-enter the workforce during the post-holiday, it is dark at 4 pm, and overall down and out season? No matter…24 hours to go, and just as I have finally mastered the official CEO Mommi legging and long sweater attire, I am dusting off the red heels hoping they are still the style this season.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So they say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Since I only endorse the controlled craziness that I have long accepted as a signature character trait, I am committed to taking a few critical recently learned lessons as I start the Mommi corporate working tango again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. BBA (BlackBerry Anonymous) is a 12 step program that works! I have admitted my issue with the red light, made amends and am committed to a new code of behavior…wasn’t that challenging after the first week of withdrawal! Well, at least when no one was trying to reach me. Damn-may need a sponsor for this one. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. Kidney stones are a bitch-will drink more water.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3. The dirty dozen of MUST HAVE organic foods can sometimes be widdled down to 4 (or let’s be honest-2) when you close your eyes and say it is so.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4. Store brands really are all mostly just as good as the name brands-but I cannot lie-I am a wine snob. The $15 bottle of Cabernet is worth it. The $30 bottle is usually REALLY worth it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5. Though your hands may start shaking slightly and you will consistently feel a dull ache in that left temple, you will not go crazy after hearing Elmo sing HOT HOT HOT! and The Macarena on repeat for 13 days.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6. 10+ years in sales and I am completely outwitted by the negotiation techniques of a 2 year old.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">7. Changing double diapers is so not fun-I am completely over poop. However, realizing how incredibly inept I am at potty training is making it a bit more appealing-because hey, at least I have mastered diapering!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">8. Speaking of, I will never again inwardly sigh when having to draft my goal plan or during those quarterly reviews-I mean good/bad at least you have some benchmark on your achievements. Though I have diligently tried to attain feedback from my two current employers I am continually met with “NO MOMMI!” or “Me don’t like that MOMMI!” or “Want to watch show!”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">9. Though only a few miles away, I am completely baffled about how quickly 4-5pm goes by in SBS CorporateLand and how painfully slow it is here at CEO Mommiville.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">10. But my oh my I don’t think there is anything quite like pj mornings with one baby on your chest and the other on your shoulder singing Elmo’s World for the third time…</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Mommi, why are you scared?” I am busted. My little Peanut has walked in and seen me blubbering. She hasn’t quite grasped tears yet but labels anything other than smiles as being scared. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Mommi isn’t scared honey. I just love you bunches!” </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But honestly, maybe she is onto something…maybe I am scared. I am scared of missing them and missing their moments, I am scared of loving my job too much and making the wrong decisions with my family. I am scared of not being able to be a good Mom and a good employee. However, though I am not sure of much-I know that fear and fretting isn’t going to get this Mommi anything but ulcers (and really? This lady has done her part for the healthcare industry and is giving it a rest this year). I also think I am finally figuring out that there is no “perfect” balance and at times something/someone is going to have to give-and that might (and most probably) will change 100 times over the course of these sweet babies’ lives. And though sometimes one week can feel like 100 (especially if you have 6 kidney stones or a sweet baby who wants to sleep all day and party all night), often 1 special day can be worth 50. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I am going to enjoy this last special day; I will let Peanut pick out Mommi’s first day back to work suit, I will remember how school taught her numbers and letters and shapes while I was just trying to figure out how to get us strapped into the car and to a playdate by 11 and I will try desperately to tune out the tick tock of this impeding change…and I will do my best to keep the blubbering to a minimum. Don’t want the munchkins to think their Mommi is a big fraidy cat.</span><br />
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</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-14714511239916746002010-12-17T07:34:00.000-08:002010-12-17T07:59:21.250-08:00The Trifecta of Guilt<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Having once again reviewed the CEO Mommi benefits plan with a fine tooth comb, I am still a bit shell shocked at the compensation package. However, I am attacking this new project with gusto and putting some of those Excel pivot tables to good work. First, plan of attack-taking on the grocery. Just watched “The Cheapest Family in America” on the Today Show and feel oddly inspired. I have a list, coupons, and a goal of $85.00. Longing for an incentive plan, I have decided that kicker upon goal is a bonus upgrade to the $10 Cabernet rather than the $5 I should be spending. I am ready!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We arrive at the store and my eyes quickly dart around the parking lot for a red car (because “Me don’t like green Mommi!”) grocery cart. Though I spend half my shopping trips apologizing “Oh damn-sorry, just ran over that pumpkin pie display!” “Oops, sorry mister-didn’t mean to hit you in the shin-but not really sure how to cut corners in this contraption!” this is the only way shopping is at all possible any more. Peanut and Elmo are each strapped into the car after only brief negotiations “Um, Mommi-Elmo wants to be able to beep horn!” and BB is secure in the front (and okay, I left the shopping cart cover in the car because did I really have one more hand with two babies, cups, Elmo, recycle bags-but I use my sleeve to cleanse the handle thoroughly).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">10 minutes in and I am already stalled at the bread aisle. So need whole grain (healthy, right)-but damn the kind I really want is like twice the other and wow the store brand is just not good…wait, do I have a coupon for the Auntie Millie’s somewhere in here because that would take it down to almost the same…</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“MOMMI-ELMO IS HUNGRY!” Momentary distraction number one as I “feed” Elmo some bread, and then some peanut butter and then sing “SUNNY DAY” as only Elmo would want during his meal. Not to be ignored, BB has somehow started grabbing loaves off the shelf and is tossing them to the floor with shrieks of delight. “Munchkins, Mommi is trying to divide per unit costs here!” </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So attempt number one is a flop. I do not meet goal, because frankly Elmo beat me down and I was lucky to grab some milk and cereal. Feeling a bit defeated, I glance at my Two-Buck Chuck Cabernet and realize this must be taken more seriously-Mommi is in absolute need of a better glass of wine. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Next week-munchkins are at home with Daddy and I attempt GROCREY MISSION SOLO. 2.5 hours later…I leave victorious at $87.65 (did I not mention that my incentive plan included rounding) and $32.50 saved! My luxury $10 bottle of wine in tow…I am feeling pretty darn good…who knows, maybe the Today Show is next for me? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Girls dinner later that week and I relive my conquest as I know my fellow mommies will share in my triumph since though he tried, Owen’s “Uh…good job?” and “So do we really have to eat generic peanut butter?” weren’t really providing the recognition deserved.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Wow Sam-that is amazing! But what about the dirty dozen??” All of my girlfriends are nodding and looking at me in anticipation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Dirty Dozen? Oh is that a new wine or something-I haven’t heard of it yet? Is it in my $10 range?”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Uhhh..Sam, have you not been shopping the dirty dozen??” </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">%$# what are they talking about?? My girls take the next ½ hour to give me an awesome lesson on organic foods as anxiety crawls up my legs through my torso and throat as I realize that while I spent the past 2 years in marketing and business planning sessions that I missed this memo and my babies are probably suffering a slow death of pesticides.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let’s give this another shot: with my shopping list in one hand, dirty dozen file peeking out of my purse, my coupons tucked in my pocket, my calorie counter...seriously, I am already exhausted just in preparation. I have not even made it out of the produce aisle and am feeling the anxiety itch as I am pretty positive that I have already gone overbudget with only 6 of the dirty dozen in tow. As I trudge down the last aisle (almost 3 hours later), I realize that not only am I not getting my wine upgrade but I may have to give plasma later to compensate for everything in my cart. As I get to the checkout and my total is revealed, I have a fleeting thought to chuck it all and run out with a $50 bottle of wine.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I am now the proud owner of yet another sanction of guilt; if anyone has any thoughts or ideas on food that is organic, calorie free, healthy, very cheap, and comes with a free bottle of wine…I would be forever indebted.</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-70309805218857277572010-12-03T17:46:00.000-08:002010-12-03T19:38:01.260-08:00Confessions From the Couch<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Hey honey-think I have a great idea for that basement back wall, can you run in here? “ I yell to Owen from the living room. Three days of virtual bed rest post-kidney surgery and can still only mitigate tears after 2 pain killers, mind numbing tv and a. lying on my left side with the right hip slightly elevated or b. knees on the floor, head on the couch with left ear tilted south. No response.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“O-really, this is a good one-can you come here?” Finally I hear some heavy footsteps.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Hey-look at this built in shelf concept with a bench for larger kid toys…good accent to the wainscoting?”</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Okay Sammi-sorry that it has come to this but seriously, no more HGTV. You are supposed to be resting and so far I have about 3 pages of your great ideas. Why don't you turn on some of that reality crap you used to love?” I don't mention that techically, most of HGTV is reality television as well: Zen has spoken. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Damn-he is so on to me trying to be productive through him. He does have a point; I do truly love a good Design on a Dime and Real Estate Intervention-but anxiety is scratching at me as they have now made me realize that my entire house needs to be rehauled and I can hardly lift my head up.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I heed the advice and am on a new mission to cram the 3 years of tv programming missed since Sesame Street entered my life. Few observations that are just too riveting not to share-</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1.<strong>Real Wives of Beverly Hills</strong>: Always hear the hype and pumped that I can join the gossip at my next book club. Watch the first episode and then almost feel like I do watching A&E Intervention-a bit nauseous and surprisingly guilty. Of course, I must then watch episodes 2-6 just to ensure this initial reaction is warranted. But Camille Grammar-really? I understand that you are exhausted trying to manage your 4 nannies and completely empathize that slumming it in a 3500 sq ft NYC penthouse is tough…but could you please eat a freaking cheeseburger? Your cheekbones are literally making me wince</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. <strong>Friday Night Lights</strong>: Okay I know I am about 5 years behind (and just on season 2) but loving this show! Think that the writers got a bit schizo about the Lyla/Jason relationship (engaged one week then he is making out with a tattoo artist the next?) but overall-Netflix couldn't get here fast enough.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3.<strong> Brothers and Sisters</strong>: Feel completely disloyal, but wow this show is so NOT GOOD this season. Rob Lowe-how is Community working out for you?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4. <strong>Sex and the City 2</strong>: Damn, not even Vicodin or seeing my sweet Aidan makes it better the second go round.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5.<strong> Dr. Phil</strong>: I mean I commend Brandon for his years of sobriety, but is he really qualified to be staging interventions? So embarrassed I am watching them in mute.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6. <strong>Young and the Restless</strong>: So it is later the same day of the last episode I watched 5 years ago…can Nick and Sharon not just be together people? And am a bit creeped out that the Naked Heiress should be about 7 not 25?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">7. <strong>Keeping Up With the Kardashians</strong>: Why do I care about keeping up with these folks? Not at all sure but completley sucked in nonetheless; now obsessed with trying to figure out if this Scott character is really a nut job or just some sort of freak actor. Is he really wearing a purple sweater tied around his shoulders? Okay, seriously did I just see a commercial for Bridalplasty…or did I accidentally take the pain med an hour too soon?? This Mommi needs to switch to the Discovery Channel asap...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wow-though 1000 brain cells short and feeling more than a little guilty, glad I can now cross these “Oh I should watch that” shows off my to-do list. Anything I missed? Speaking of…it has been about 12 hours, too soon to bring up another good idea to Owen?</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-12372818395705522362010-11-19T06:43:00.000-08:002010-11-19T06:43:06.203-08:00If at first you don't hear the whisper...get ready to catch a stone<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">CEO Mommi has a schedule and I simply cannot be bothered by my body not cooperating. It is holiday season for god’s sake-I have Halloween costumes to address, play dates, Thanksgiving dinners to plan, GIRLS NIGHT OUT (and we all know that is a non-negotiable), and that pesky basement remodeling project I decided would be a good idea one evening. Seriously-January is really the first available opening for a doctor visit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 1-4: Hmmm….I must have slept wrong-my back is simply killing me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 5-10: Hmmm…maybe I pulled a muscle during my last workout because wow this is getting uncomfortable (now that I think about it, when was the last time I worked out? Must be some weird delayed effect: will do a little Internet research later.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 11-14 Hmmm…so how many Advil can you take in a day? I think I may have an hour next Tuesday that I could stop by the doctor. Maybe I will call if it doesn’t feel a bit better tomorrow.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 14 Hmmm…getting a bit difficult to walk, maybe I will just take a quick rest on the bathroom floor-really will call the doctor tomorrow</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 14.5 Umm- dear God I am so sorry that I once cursed the women on “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!” Contact TLC because I think I am in labor. Thinking that I should probably call Owen to get me off the floor. Oh freak, of course he is out of town.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 14.75 “Hey Mom-what are you doing, how is work? Oh that is just Peanut crying…you see I can’t really get off the floor right now. Think you could take me to the ER?”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 15 “I’m sorry, what? There are how many?? Okay…so actually how long is this going to be because my munchkins have open gym tomorrow and then I really need to get to Toys R Us-have a coupon that expires-and my best friend’s little boy is having a birthday party and I actually had wine night on Friday-but that is like 2 days away…so no problem, right?”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 15.5 “Okay, do you see that I have one baby hanging on my leg and one on my hip? I hope you are sending a pool boy home with me because I hardly have time to use the ladies room much less strain my pee every hour??”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 16-30 Dear Vicodin, it is me Sam. Could you perhaps kick it up a notch??</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 30 Forget it-put me under the knife.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So my body must have been going into withdrawal after I hadn’t given birth this year, so decided to create not 1, not 2, but 6 beautifully crystallized kidney stones (I wasn’t kidding, I don’t do anything half ass). But unlike my sweet babies who wanted out so badly that I took daily shots to keep them cozy, I can’t beg, plead, or cry stones 1-6 away, so today is surgery day. Not really sure how they are going to come out (I pretty much blacked out after he mentioned a camera, laser, shock waves, stint, and “you are going to hate me for a week or so”; I just need the damn things gone: Mommi is about 4 weeks behind on the to-do list! Actually, after a bit more thought-anyone know of where you might find 5 mm bonnets and swaddling blankets? Because after all of this, what a let down to come home with nothing but a (gulp) stint??</span><br />
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</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-39717816400268516972010-10-28T11:15:00.000-07:002010-10-28T11:57:48.116-07:00The Break-Up<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I must admit…I did not see this coming. After years of battling my love/hate relationship with Mr. Blackberry (and yes-I know some of my colleagues even suspected a domestic violence issue after viewing his cracked frame-but I swear that was between Mr. BB and Mr. Granite Countertop-I was not at fault!), perhaps I should have been more prepared.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After Owen finally banned Mr. BB from sleeping with us, I would sneak downstairs first thing every morning (or yes, at 2:00 am when I was waking up to work anyhow), stomach clenched wondering how many emails had come through since putting him to bed. Each morning I prayed to find him sleeping: no red light flashing because that light most readily indicates TROUBLE overnight. Mr. BB was my date to all girls’ dinners, errands, backyard barbeques…and I didn’t want to be rude and have him feel excluded-so he would always sit right next to me, face up so I could see just when that red light started its twitch. Yes, perhaps Mr. BB and I had some attachment issues (has this been used as an insane defense on Law and Order yet?) but I couldn’t shake the anxiety creep when he wasn’t just a reach or purse grab away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So today it happened. Out of habit, I am up at the crack of dawn and gallop down the stairs to wake Mr. BB up and no red flashing light. Oh no-is it broken? Opening up the message box, I have not one single email or text since yesterday evening. For a quick minute: relief. OMG-this is amazing-no TROUBLE: no fires to put out, no one that needs my input-everything is in order. And then panic: OMG-no fires to put out? No one needs my input? Everything is order…without me. Wow, a little shaky. I casually turn him over 6x in the next hour and still…no flashing light. Darn, isn’t this exactly what I wanted and seriously-are there tears brimming in the back of my eyes? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Mommy! Mommy! Me is awake!” I hear through the monitor. Immediately, I feel a bit of relief. Who needs Mr. BB when my new employees have me on immediate speed voice dial. As I make my way to Peanut’s room, I hear my other little guy in his room rustling. I smile and open the door-I just love getting them out of bed when they are still sleepy and just waking up. He sees me and I gasp as he squeals in delight, hanging from his mobile (damn, didn’t BabyCenter just send me an email noting to take that thing down?) while everything from the bed (including pj’s and diaper) have been thrown out on the floor.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“MOMMY! Me now! Me want Cheerios!” screams Peanut from across the hall. Okay, deep breath: still have fires to put out, input is readily needed and it certainly does not appear that anything is in order here: red light be damned -I am back in business.</span><br />
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</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-9701016736517751502010-10-22T13:23:00.000-07:002010-10-28T11:59:55.670-07:00And Then There It Is...<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Second day of LOA. Instead of a full event overview, I have decided upon a less stringent approach, instead breaking the day into 4 chunks-themed by food! (ie breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack). It is morning snack time and I am feeling pretty energized-we all actually have real clothes on, and I was able to successfully CHECK breakfast off the list (wow, I just love a good task check!). I am thinking my new approach just may be the ticket. Phone rings:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Umm-how great that you are able to start the tile job early. When exactly would you want to begin? Oh you are in the neighborhood? Oh wonderful! Yes-we will be here.” </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">$%@*! I am not ready for curve balls yet folks-I mean I just came up with my pinwheel food routine chart and again, I have no idea how re-doing the master and guest bath tile fits into that at all. I thought I had another week to figure that out. Damn, should have completed the risk register! So a quick heated call to Owen (I mean, this must be his fault in some way, right?) and answer the door to 3 men who look like they have enough equipment to move in for the week…which by the way is about how long they let me know they are staying. The jack hammering starts, the babies’ full on freak out mode commences, and I know it is bad news when I am already subtracting the number of hours until I can have a glass of wine.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So 3 hours later, I am driving aimlessly around the city (hmmm…wasn’t there a neighborhood somewhere in Zionsville that I wanted to check out?) while the kids nap in the car. By hour 2 (and 84 strip mall drive bys later) I would give my left toe to be sitting in a Finance meeting. I am overjoyed when I hear BB stirring in the back and announce “SHOPPING TRIP!” Peanut pipes up “Me love shopping!” and I start to perk up…already my teaching is showing impact! I am getting the kids strapped in the cart as Peanut is pulling on my hand and BB’s arm as I push them in. “Seriously-what are you doing sweetie?” “Want us to all hold hands Mommy!” BB giggles and gives her his fingers. “Mommy-give yours now. Team!” And there it is…a moment. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To think that I still hold a grudge against the kid who tripped me on the playground in second grade, it is frankly remarkable the magic amnesia these munchkins can pour out in an instant. After 8.5 tortourous months, daily injections, bed rest and the 10 hardest hours of my life, I see Peanut’s beautiful face and announce that I can’t wait to have 5 more. After zero sleep and BB waking up every other hour (because come on-Mommi can find that paci much more readily than he can!) my heart still melts on time 11 when he says “Momma!” squeezes my neck and rests his head on my shoulder. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So we all 3 hold hands as I push them into Costo, singing Elmo’s World, and I know I would give all my toes to be right here.</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-80878543692593839832010-10-15T12:14:00.000-07:002010-10-15T15:57:55.061-07:00LOA Project Scope Statement: Part I<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>Good morning munchkins! I have printed you each a detailed itinerary for our first day together! Check out the formatting-no more boring Arial 10 pt font for me-that is so corporate and this CEO Mommi is really much more Lucida Handwriting instead. Let’s all review to make sure we are all on the same page; not that I necessarily need you to sign off (we aren’t THAT formal) but if you could just nod your heads and we can start the day!</em></span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>7-7:30am: Wake up and snuggle</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>7:30-8:00am: Munchkins play while Mommi makes breakfast</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>8-8:30am: Eat breakfast</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>9-10am: Visit library and pick our theme for the week!</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>10-10:30-Healthy snack</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>10:30-11:30am-Walk to playground</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>12-12:45pm: Lunchtime</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>12:45-2:45pm: NAPTIME</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>3-3:30pm: Snack</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>3:30-4:30pm: Read library books and discuss theme of week</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>4:30-5:30pm: Play outside</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>5:30pm: Greet Daddy with hugs!</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So first day may have gotten a bit off scope…few timeline setbacks: may have inadvertently missed the time for the double diaper duty and employee negotiations ie Peanut meltdown 1 (“Mommy, I wanted to turn on the light!!!”), Peanut meltdown number 2 (ME PUT MY SOCKS ON!!), BB meltdown 1 after finding him with Shelby’s water dish on his head, subsequent bath, Peanut’s bath after meltdown 3 (“Why does he get to play in the water if me doesn’t??”). This leaves me at 11:00am (still in my pajamas), with Peanut squealing “Elmo isn’t nigh night Mommy. He is up! SHOW SHOW!” With a rebuffed itinerary discussion, zero sign offs, no shower, and exhaustion setting in before noon-I have made the executive decision that this week’s theme is going to be survival-screw the library. </span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-18201756825817576772010-10-08T20:00:00.000-07:002010-10-15T12:25:23.186-07:00Identity Crisis!<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Everything has a place and a place has everything! </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the past 25+ years, perhaps there have been 2 days that I can remember not making my bed (and I just may have been hospitalized those two days, just saying). Same goes for picking out the next morning’s clothes (so I of course have also done this for the kids since day 1 which has caused Owen to completely freeze in fear when I suggest he pull out an extra shirt for the diaper bag; he may not be aware, but I know he has no idea where those are kept). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am sure there is some sort of psychological explanation (or control freak label), but organizing chaos keeps me sane. In my SBS life (ie corporate), during interviews I lean in to hear how people describe their stress coping mechanisms “Long walks! Talking with my husband! Deep breaths! Happy hour! (of course we don’t usually give the job here but I do want to high five the complete honesty!). My legs wish that I managed stress with a long run, but instead I most often turn to a closet that needs re-hauled or a counter that requires a long scrub (okay, most of the time with a glass of Cabernet-high five!) but no qualms that it is the lazy susan that is begging for a re-stacking that is the true motivation...</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So it is the weekend before the LOA and I am interviewing my SuperMom friends.:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ladies, so trying to prepare…what is the wardrobe for SuperMom career?”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Are you serious??”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yes-like is it more yoga pants, jeans, leggings? Or does it perhaps depend on the day’s activities?”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“OMG Sam, you are such a freak!”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay, so not getting a lot of insight here. Next stop is the US Weekly guilty pleasure, The Just Like Us: Moms Section. Hmmm…stilettos at Monkey Joe’s? In my wildest dreams, would I even own a Carolina Herrera frock much less wear it to the playground? Another strike out for guidance.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The only near experience with this is maternity leave…and I don’t think anyone wants to see that one pair of yoga pants being trudged out again. Standing in my closet on the first LOA Sunday night, I feel an overwhelming rush of anxiety and just a few tears brewing in the very back of my eyes. Though I am not sure of much, I am pretty certain that the LOA dress code does not readily involve the 15 suits, 30 pairs of heels, or wrap dresses in every color surrounding me. What to do? I feel a little shaky but I am throwing caution to the wind and climbing into bed without a damn thing laid out. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So three hours later and still not asleep; holy hell-CEO Mommi has just crumbled the process flow map and is a hot mess. Thought this was the right road but terror is itching my skin and I sincerely wonder who is this CEO Mommi without the high heels?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-19061806309886500332010-09-29T18:28:00.000-07:002010-10-12T12:31:16.342-07:00Where the Hell is the Welcome Wagon?!<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a self proclaimed type A - freakazoid, I would like to challenge any woman to a game of “who can absorb the most guilt in a single hour;” good luck ladies-but I feel pretty confident in my skill here. For years I have inadvertently (yet diligently) worked at mastering this craft, skillfully taking any situation to a new level ( i.e. I feel so guilty for not going to church; okay I went to church but I didn’t really listen to the homily-damn feel so guilty; okay I went to church and listened to the sermon but how much are you supposed to tithe because I don’t think $5 is enough-damn feel so guilty…you get my point). So you can only imagine the perfect breeding ground for this insanity: being a working Mom! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After Peanut was born, I was able to compartmentalize( though others may slightly disagree) and keep my guilt demon somewhat appropriated. However, after BB’s “surprise I am coming into the world about 3 years before you had planned me!” , Momma could not prepare herself for the overwhelming career dance of Mommyhood/Marketing Director and marriage(both to Owen and the Blackberry). The cliché of not having enough hours in the day became a constant battle to conquer-trying to squeeze in a few extra by working from 2-4 am or sneaking into the office during weekend naps. The phrase Hot Mess (or perhaps more appropriately Nervous-Breakdown- bound) could/would have read on my tombstone.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After sitting in the ER after Peanut’s nasty fence incident, I was calming her tears in one hand as my other hand negotiated the keyboard to answer “that critical email!” I used my voice dialing system to ring my stepdad-begging him to pick her up so I could get back into the crucial office matter. As I drove home that night around 11 pm, tears running down my face and the overwhelming guilt choking me, I had an out of body experience…looking at my person from an outside perspective: wanting to give me a quick hug and then seriously shake me. Pull yourself together girl-what in the hell are you doing and where are your priorities??</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">So after laborious deliberation, girlfriend interventions, much wine and countless tears over not being able to do it all-I threw up the white flag and decided to pursue sanity for a short time. So here I am- first day of my new life and LOA (ie official Leave of Absence from paid employment) and I am wondering where the hell is the Welcome Wagon? It is 8:00 am and I have verified my Outlook calendar 6 times and no new employee luncheon is scheduled and by the way where is the training program? I have checked and re-checked but received no stay-at-home mom employee binder and when will someone discuss the benefit program or at the very least a job description please? Holy hell I have no idea what I am doing and these two little munchkins are staring up at me and I know they can smell fear. So strap on your seatbelts kids-CEO Mommi is ready for the ride</span>…</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-45165482893116743642010-01-03T18:22:00.001-08:002010-01-03T18:29:28.030-08:00New Year New Groove<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What a month! Quick recap of all that has been survived: DD (ie Doomsday-the dreaded Monday when momma had to re-enter the workforce), pumping at work (a new all-time dread), not 1, not 2 but 8 Christmas celebrations, New Years Eve (and New Years Day now beginning at 6:30 am when munchkins awake and have no care that Mom and Dad didn’t go to bed until the wee hours!), and a wonderful 10-day Christmas break at chez Team Schwartz. And tomorrow is January 4…and 2010 really begins. So before I re-enter the craziness of real life, I want to take a moment to determine my New Years resolutions. Yes, I am also sighing at the cliché, but it is such a moment that my type A goal setting freakiness just can’t let go by.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. Find my SS mojo! This to include (but not limited to)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> a. Fit into (and this means willing to wear in public) skinny jeans by March</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> b. Date nights with O 1x per month</span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> c. Keep up with Sam maintenance (that means eyebrows, hair, and maybe even the teeth...braces-yikes!!)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> d. Have ushers at church recognize that we are members (which means that I need to show up more than 4x per year)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> e. Call (email/text does not count) at least one girlfriend per week</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> f. Write the blog</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> g. Update the blog’s appearance (!!)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> h. Get up-to-date on munchkin’s baby books</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> i. Keep up with my book club</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. Make a conscious effort to enjoy the moment and let go of the constant guilt and anxiety </span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> a. Okay, do you see how this might be hard after all the conditions I listed above?! Stress is already settling in by putting them into print!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> b. So new plan-will try to do above but promise to give myself a solid B if one is accomplished</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The past two years have been completely insane! Two pregnancies, two births, two post-birth recoveries (which does not take just 6 weeks my friends), two babies, two maternity leaves, promotion, new job… it is sometimes difficult to recognize myself under everything that has changed. My biggest resolution in 2010 is to feel comfortable in my own (new) skin. My life and focus has done a 360 and I need to get my groove back…just this time with one baby on each hip.</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-78782995762371454372009-11-24T17:51:00.000-08:002009-11-24T17:51:01.667-08:00A New Vice?<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The sheer amount of weeping at the Schwartz house nowadays is frankly shocking. Odds are pretty fair that at any given hour you are likely to find either (or some type of combination of) a 2 month old hungry, a 17 month old practicing the perfect whine (new behavior that MUST be conquered…by any means necessary), or the pitiful dog grieving that someone (other than her) is eating. Oh and did I mention the bit of blubbering by the alpha female? Am I still honestly able to blame this shameless weekly (okay, sometimes daily) bit of weeping on hormones 10 weeks post baby? Oprah announces that she is giving her show up…bit of tears; BB smiles and chuckles out loud…bit of tears; Peanut throws her food on the floor while laughing after 3 no’s from momma…bit of tears; Shelby eating through diaper bag to find a few crackers…bit of tears. Friend breaking plans…bit of tears. Believe me; I am saying the same thing you are thinking-“Pull it together sister!!” </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Perhaps since my wine drinking has taken a back seat…the tear shedding is my new found release…and I could think of worse vices, right? Doesn’t it prove that I am in touch with my emotions (come on…Psych 101?); and perhaps I will need to worry less about the imminent ulcer since I am “getting it out!” Just as I am starting to accept this new inclination, I recognize that I have mere days before entering the workforce: do you think it would be awkward if I let the tears a flow while negotiating the 2010 business plan? The realization sets in: I have only two weeks to lose 10 lbs, upkeep my roots, nails, and eyebrows, acquire a new wardrobe, and decipher a way to imagine BB being held by a day care worker without a breakdown. Must stop writing…blubbering has commenced.</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-60144434958682895952009-11-17T18:23:00.000-08:002009-11-17T18:30:54.503-08:00Oh DQ...Why Can't I Quit You?<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I know I am supposed to be patient “took 9 months to get on, it will take 9 months to come off…” and all that other jib jab, but frankly I am done with the flab. I have been pregnant, nursing, or in “just had a baby” mode for over two years and I am ready to find PBS (pre-baby Sam)…I just know she is in there somewhere! Now, I have given up on the PBS mind ever being the same-but I am holding out hope for the body. This is certainly not to imply that PBS didn’t have her flaws…but I had 30 years of practice understanding how to cover, disguise, and guard these. I am still searching for something other than an empire waist to make me look reasonable while shuddering every time I spend a dime on these types of clothes because I know PBS is just around the corner! (and of course because of that little guilt complex I have perfected over the years).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However, did I mention that I am commanding the weight to come off as I put it on-with a mind of its own and little effort from me? And I also absolutely demand that it come off without giving up that nasty DQ habit I picked up during pregnancy #2. How ironic that I develop a rabid sweet tooth while 30-something when you couldn’t get me to touch a piece of chocolate in the early scrawny years; when I was desperate for a few extra lbs as not to look so strikingly similar to one of those Feed the Children public service announcements. Thinking the tooth was completely related to pregnancy hormones (as was any other crazy behavior I could possibly blame), I thought as soon as BB had popped his angelic head into the word that my sweet craving would be expelled as well. This notion was quickly squelched…as I sent Owen out to fetch me DQ a few hours after his arrival. It wasn’t until recently that I understood the tooth’s severity when offered the choice I easily decided on a DQ strawberry sundae over a bold Cabernet.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Given this and the impeding back-to-work date looming (meaning unless I find 10 more free empire waist dresses, I must squeeze into a few PBS clothing options) it is DQ lockdown at the Schwartz abode. Wish me luck-this will not be an easy journey. And there is that special 2 for $3 special still running…hmmm…maybe just one more dash?</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-55210482263870836192009-11-13T18:04:00.000-08:002009-11-13T18:04:05.406-08:00Photo Shoot Mania<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh the joy of the family photo…what a treasured memory! Treasured memory-DOUBTFUL…treasured pandamonium is more like it. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if the annual photo that we send to all family and friends (perhaps even with that included letter triumphing all the year’s wonderful coming/goings ) had accompanying audio to discuss the screaming, safety pins, sucked in tummies, cookie bribery, and general misery accompanying the photo taking. A few key photo lessons learned by Team Schwartz </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. Please squash all visions of cute/cuddly photos of your two babies under 2 in Santa hats</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. Let go of the dream…you are not going to look skinny 8 weeks post baby; accentuate your hair (if you have time to wash) or perhaps a new pair of shoes? (yes, make the time as you are already at the department store's childrens section!) Better yet, choose a photographer who is also a Mommy and knows mad Photoshop skills! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3. Do not base the entire photo color scheme around a 2 month’s old outfit</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4. Critical to try on everyone’s outfit prior to 30 minutes prior to shoot (yes, perhaps one week in advance would be ideal)<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5. In times of desperation, pull on your knowledge of dog training (yes, always including small snacks) to have babies move to proper placement…just for that one crucial shot!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5. Keep all receipts for the 100 hats, bows, tights, and dresses that were not chosen for the crucial shot (believe, me, that $500 will come in handy for the next time you decide to go scour every city mall for the "perfect!" photo wardrobe)<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6. Speaking of the one crucial shot…let it go! Go for the candid: wear your craziness with pride!</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-42389363037445733302009-11-11T11:08:00.000-08:002009-11-11T11:08:37.643-08:00And The Award Goes To...<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Twelve noon here and I have bathed/dressed two children, changed 7 diapers, fed both kids multiple times, pumped, got both kids in the car (any mom of two babies under two can appreciate this feat in and of itself), scoured the mall for the perfect accessories for upcoming family pictures, handled two baby meltdowns with no tears from mom, started a load of laundry and actually threw a few random items in the Crockpot that I can call dinner later. I even caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and though not close to attractive, I do have on clean clothes (okay, I wore these yoga pants for a few hours yesterday…but that does not even come close to counting as dirty), clean teeth, and am wearing earrings which seems to draw attention away from the glaring black puffy under eye area. I feel so proud and almost deserving of a Q4 award! But wait, this is my Mommyhood career and no one has talked to me about the bonus structure or additional compensation package. This is ridiculous-who is in charge? Oh wait-that is me…team captain of Team Schwartz! So I am giving myself a “Morning Superior Multitasking “award…which definitely deserves a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte and maybe that new scarf I spied at Target! For the hardest job on the planet, I must say the recognition/award program is quite lacking. So, I have decided to honor fellow Moms with a weekly award (though monetarily lacking-everyone wants to be recognized for a good job, right?)…stay tuned next week for our first recipient! I mean-if we aren’t going to give them out…who is? And don’t tell my employer…but these Mommy accomplishments are most often more challenging than hitting quota-</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-63177562869178708992009-11-06T11:38:00.000-08:002009-11-08T16:03:45.430-08:00Baby Bubble Burst!<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">The Baby Bubble exists! So I am sure I read this phrase in one of the million P<em>reparing For Baby!</em> books I studied during pregnancy, and now I fully realize its truth. The Bubble begins forming in pregnancy, where thoughts of baby nurseries, diaper genies, and the proper car seat purchase become all consuming. When pregnant with Peanut, my Saturday evenings progressed from dinner and drinks with friends to all night Internet searches reviewing everything from the proper bottle cleaner to the all important stroller. However, it isn’t until you are screeching to a halt at the hospital valet in full labor that the Baby Bubble fully encloses. Suddenly, it is impossible to think about anything other than that angel face and any and everything that relates to it. Obsession regarding this creature’s feeding, changing, and sleeping patterns become all encompassing (OMG I think he is sleeping too much!…do Internet search. OMG-don’t think he is sleeping enough! …do Internet search. OMG-he hasn’t eaten in 4 hours!...do Internet search. OMG-if I don’t choose the right diaper brand he will most probably be scarred for life!...do Internet search.) It becomes almost impossible to carry on a conversation regarding anything that doesn’t relate to the above (“Guess what Sam-dating a new guy what do you think? “Well, I need to know if he uses hand sanitizer, because if not then you might have been infected and therefore my baby may somehow be in contact with GERMS! AHHHHH!”) Realizing my state of baby crazy, I am usually fighting like mad to gain some semblance of normal after day 3; however, there is something so special about being enveloped in the baby bubble cocoon, there is nothing quite like it. And I don’t think you truly feel how exceptional it is until the Baby Bubble…bursts. And nothing can rupture the Bubble more readily…than entering your place of employment. BOO. I am currently searching for some glue.</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-7488787105938601972009-11-04T17:18:00.000-08:002009-11-04T17:18:14.505-08:00Six Weeks Postpartum=Normal??<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So I just had the dreaded 6 week postpartum check-up. Dreaded for the obvious reason-I mean the thought of anyone being near that area almost evokes a post traumatic syndrome attack. But even more than that, the thought of walking out the door with the diagnosis of “back to normal” frightens me even more. I don’t know about you, but I do not consider sleeping in 2 hour intervals, carrying around an extra 15 lbs, or soaking through a t-shirt after simply looking at the baby on the Pampers box normal occurrences. Well…at least not normal for PBS (PreBabySam). So now that I have the official sign off and in the interest of keeping some semblance of PBS, I have decided to compile a list of some crazy recent behaviors that I may need to curb-</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">1. Wearing the same pair of sweat pants for a week-no matter how comfortable, this is just not sanitary</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">2. Still keeping the cute maternity tops in my closet-just in case (it was cute 2 months ago-it now needs to go into a bin…for good)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">3. Waking up on Thursday and realizing a shower has not been had since Owen has been home (ie Sunday)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">4. Thinking that using a baby wipe to blot a shooting poo from my fleece has made it acceptable to wear out in public (no excuse, but it was only a little!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">5. Getting teary every time someone mentions work or employment of any kind (crazy as I am, I started mourning maternity leave going too quickly the day I left the hospital)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">6. Noticing spit up on my shoulder but turning a blind eye, because really who has another shirt that fits anyhow?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">7. Feeding the dog dishwasher detergent (in my defense, the box was located right next to the food container)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">8. Getting giddy about going out to get the mail (even PBS was pretty pumped when US Weekly arrived, but horizons really need to be broadened when this becomes my daily highlight)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">9. Thinking that I can probably go “just one more day” after hair has not been properly washed in a week: I mean it usually looks better if I sleep on it! (okay, so this may be true after day 2, but at day 7 really greasy and generally unattractive)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">10. Remembering to always pull up my dress after feeding the baby (long story-but let’s be honest, it didn’t just happen once)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Who am I kidding? I need to resign myself that NORMAL has been redefined. Funny that I thought that I would be more put together this being my second time entering New Mommyhood. If anything, I am more of a wreck this time around (letting my roots grow out is a tell tale sign). I don’t think it matters if it is time 1 or 4-these little creatures make a GRAND entrance and frankly I don’t think I will ever be “normal” again (and honestly, my normal always was a bit in question). Granted, I need to work on a few of my issues listed above (for safety, sanity and good old public decency), but I have decided to give myself a break and extend my “just had a baby” time for an additional 6 weeks…with the complete right to extend at that point if I feel appropriate (no husband input necessary). Given these revelations, I am off to buy a few more pairs of sweats…</span>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763991405696455947.post-8658796224962028672009-08-31T05:55:00.000-07:002009-10-12T18:13:00.681-07:00First post!<div>I have given in and decided to jump into the blogger world. I am still a bit hesitant and feel a bit unequipped (since I am still trying to figure out how to set up the template...am I tech savvy enough for this?)</div>Sammi Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472225704241808290noreply@blogger.com3