CEO Mommi has a schedule and I simply cannot be bothered by my body not cooperating. It is holiday season for god’s sake-I have Halloween costumes to address, play dates, Thanksgiving dinners to plan, GIRLS NIGHT OUT (and we all know that is a non-negotiable), and that pesky basement remodeling project I decided would be a good idea one evening. Seriously-January is really the first available opening for a doctor visit.
Day 1-4: Hmmm….I must have slept wrong-my back is simply killing me.
Day 5-10: Hmmm…maybe I pulled a muscle during my last workout because wow this is getting uncomfortable (now that I think about it, when was the last time I worked out? Must be some weird delayed effect: will do a little Internet research later.)
Day 11-14 Hmmm…so how many Advil can you take in a day? I think I may have an hour next Tuesday that I could stop by the doctor. Maybe I will call if it doesn’t feel a bit better tomorrow.
Day 14 Hmmm…getting a bit difficult to walk, maybe I will just take a quick rest on the bathroom floor-really will call the doctor tomorrow
Day 14.5 Umm- dear God I am so sorry that I once cursed the women on “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!” Contact TLC because I think I am in labor. Thinking that I should probably call Owen to get me off the floor. Oh freak, of course he is out of town.
Day 14.75 “Hey Mom-what are you doing, how is work? Oh that is just Peanut crying…you see I can’t really get off the floor right now. Think you could take me to the ER?”
Day 15 “I’m sorry, what? There are how many?? Okay…so actually how long is this going to be because my munchkins have open gym tomorrow and then I really need to get to Toys R Us-have a coupon that expires-and my best friend’s little boy is having a birthday party and I actually had wine night on Friday-but that is like 2 days away…so no problem, right?”
Day 15.5 “Okay, do you see that I have one baby hanging on my leg and one on my hip? I hope you are sending a pool boy home with me because I hardly have time to use the ladies room much less strain my pee every hour??”
Day 16-30 Dear Vicodin, it is me Sam. Could you perhaps kick it up a notch??
Day 30 Forget it-put me under the knife.
So my body must have been going into withdrawal after I hadn’t given birth this year, so decided to create not 1, not 2, but 6 beautifully crystallized kidney stones (I wasn’t kidding, I don’t do anything half ass). But unlike my sweet babies who wanted out so badly that I took daily shots to keep them cozy, I can’t beg, plead, or cry stones 1-6 away, so today is surgery day. Not really sure how they are going to come out (I pretty much blacked out after he mentioned a camera, laser, shock waves, stint, and “you are going to hate me for a week or so”; I just need the damn things gone: Mommi is about 4 weeks behind on the to-do list! Actually, after a bit more thought-anyone know of where you might find 5 mm bonnets and swaddling blankets? Because after all of this, what a let down to come home with nothing but a (gulp) stint??
