Either I missed the 12 foot Christmas bag, or I need to call some sort of medical authority (ie psych ward) because I swear I can hear the slow methodical ticking of a grandfather clock. Or is that actually my heart beginning to pump in pace with impeding anxiety as my LOA is most rapidly coming to an end? When signing my official “temporary leave from paid employment contract”-when exactly did I think it would be stellar to re-enter the workforce during the post-holiday, it is dark at 4 pm, and overall down and out season? No matter…24 hours to go, and just as I have finally mastered the official CEO Mommi legging and long sweater attire, I am dusting off the red heels hoping they are still the style this season.
So they say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Since I only endorse the controlled craziness that I have long accepted as a signature character trait, I am committed to taking a few critical recently learned lessons as I start the Mommi corporate working tango again.
1. BBA (BlackBerry Anonymous) is a 12 step program that works! I have admitted my issue with the red light, made amends and am committed to a new code of behavior…wasn’t that challenging after the first week of withdrawal! Well, at least when no one was trying to reach me. Damn-may need a sponsor for this one.
2. Kidney stones are a bitch-will drink more water.
3. The dirty dozen of MUST HAVE organic foods can sometimes be widdled down to 4 (or let’s be honest-2) when you close your eyes and say it is so.
4. Store brands really are all mostly just as good as the name brands-but I cannot lie-I am a wine snob. The $15 bottle of Cabernet is worth it. The $30 bottle is usually REALLY worth it.
5. Though your hands may start shaking slightly and you will consistently feel a dull ache in that left temple, you will not go crazy after hearing Elmo sing HOT HOT HOT! and The Macarena on repeat for 13 days.
6. 10+ years in sales and I am completely outwitted by the negotiation techniques of a 2 year old.
7. Changing double diapers is so not fun-I am completely over poop. However, realizing how incredibly inept I am at potty training is making it a bit more appealing-because hey, at least I have mastered diapering!
8. Speaking of, I will never again inwardly sigh when having to draft my goal plan or during those quarterly reviews-I mean good/bad at least you have some benchmark on your achievements. Though I have diligently tried to attain feedback from my two current employers I am continually met with “NO MOMMI!” or “Me don’t like that MOMMI!” or “Want to watch show!”
9. Though only a few miles away, I am completely baffled about how quickly 4-5pm goes by in SBS CorporateLand and how painfully slow it is here at CEO Mommiville.
10. But my oh my I don’t think there is anything quite like pj mornings with one baby on your chest and the other on your shoulder singing Elmo’s World for the third time…
“Mommi, why are you scared?” I am busted. My little Peanut has walked in and seen me blubbering. She hasn’t quite grasped tears yet but labels anything other than smiles as being scared.
“Mommi isn’t scared honey. I just love you bunches!”
But honestly, maybe she is onto something…maybe I am scared. I am scared of missing them and missing their moments, I am scared of loving my job too much and making the wrong decisions with my family. I am scared of not being able to be a good Mom and a good employee. However, though I am not sure of much-I know that fear and fretting isn’t going to get this Mommi anything but ulcers (and really? This lady has done her part for the healthcare industry and is giving it a rest this year). I also think I am finally figuring out that there is no “perfect” balance and at times something/someone is going to have to give-and that might (and most probably) will change 100 times over the course of these sweet babies’ lives. And though sometimes one week can feel like 100 (especially if you have 6 kidney stones or a sweet baby who wants to sleep all day and party all night), often 1 special day can be worth 50.
So I am going to enjoy this last special day; I will let Peanut pick out Mommi’s first day back to work suit, I will remember how school taught her numbers and letters and shapes while I was just trying to figure out how to get us strapped into the car and to a playdate by 11 and I will try desperately to tune out the tick tock of this impeding change…and I will do my best to keep the blubbering to a minimum. Don’t want the munchkins to think their Mommi is a big fraidy cat.
